Herman’s Horrible Happenings

Billy Boy was on a mission for the army. He loved missions, for they were so peaceful, although that was about to change. Standing on a large hill with a strong wind at his back, he launched Kite Spy 1. Proficiently, it launched as the result of years of practice. In the middle of the Arctic Ocean were two small islands, Frams, the larger island, and Hod.  Both were ruled by the Grand Servant Lowering.  Unfortunately, he had expired permanently. Since Frams and Hod could not agree on the next Grand Servant, Frams declared war on Hod. That is how Billy Boy happened to be standing on the hill clad in his Hod military uniform. His job was to spy out the enemy, from the lower heavens. Flying with the massive kite was Herman, who was his best friend. Since there was over a thousand feet of string; he was elevated by the kite high over the island of Frams.

Hanging from the gigantic kite was Herman, who was watching the rival island Frams. Satellite phones relayed communication. Because Herman reported “I am right over a hill with a hole in the middle, in the center of the island” Bill Boy knew all was well. After a pause, “I see someone riding on a kite being followed by a person on a bike.” Amazingly, the person on the bike spotted Herman at the same time Herman perceived the fiendish uniformed biker. The biker was very surprised, as that was his assignment too. The ground shook. And the ground burst open. Spewing out rock, it shuddered. Flying high, Herman had sadly disappeared in a sudden cloud of smoke.

Understandably, Billy Boy did not know what was going on. Talking into the phone, Billy Boy tried to communicate with Herman, but he had lost connection. Billy Boy, while watching for Herman, noticed a geyser of burning lava and rock, which was spewing into the air. A volcano had erupted. Hurrying to report what had happened, he did not try to find out what had happened to Herman and the enemy biker. Meanwhile, Herman was blasted into the air heading dead south; while the fiendish biker, being almost at the center of the rupture, was propelled north. The biker was sent almost straight up into outer space and several days later the Hubble telescope reported seeing a woman flying past. Herman, on the other hand, was blown to France, where the string from the kite became caught in the Eiffel Tower. After cutting himself free, he fell into a cactus display. Since the string fell at the same rate, he became impotently tangled on a massive sequoia cactus and hung by his ankle till dead as a dead door knob.

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